Faith & Fairy Tales

Like most little girls I believed in fairy tales and happily ever after. Of course reality quickly caught up with me after my parents divorced when I was 3. However, I didn't let go of the dream of a white dress, prince charming, and the castle by the sea. Most people grow up and the dream disappears. They lose the faith. I believe I was losing it too. But the thing is, it's hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely because almost everyone still has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they'll open their eyes and it will all come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale might be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important that it's happily ever after, just that it's happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, someone will surprise you. And once in a while, someone may even take your breath away. That someone is my boyfriend...

Floral Fancies

Whenever I get struck by an idea, I become fixated by it until the idea becomes a reality - or until a better idea comes along to distract me from the previous idea. I recently went to Michael’s to load up on craft supplies for several art projects including the V-Day card I’m making for Aaron. While I was browsing through the store I stumbled upon a number of beautiful silk floral arrangements on display for special occasions like weddings or birthday parties. The design concepts were not the traditional types you would normally see. They all looked very modern and simplistic. I am not a big fan of silk flowers because I think it’s super tacky to use them for weddings. However, the arrangements did inspire me to look at fresh flowers the same way. I had the idea to pitch these center piece designs to my roomy for her impending nuptials. She is a minimalist and not a flower fan. Last week, she asked me to assist her with center piece design and to visit the florists with her. Since then I’ve been doing some research on wedding centerpieces and flower trends. I’ve also been experimenting with the blooms in the green house to design an elegant yet simple look for her wedding. It has given me the opportunity to be an amateur floral designer, which I secretly aspire to be right now. I simply love flowers and as every flower lover knows, flowers have a language of their own. Every sentiment is expressed in one form or another by these fragile blooms. I am fairly confident about my taste in style, and I am capable of doing whatever I put my mind into - until I get distracted by something else.

My Perfect Twin

Mirror image of the ideal me. Naturally slim and thin, perfect skin, glassy straight black hair - like all the actresses in the Thai Lakorn movies. Not a single strand out of place or a smudge of make up anywhere on her face. She is the type who eats healthy, exercises daily and most importantly sticks to her routine. She is also a good driver. She doesn’t obsess about the little things either...

This other woman is genuinely nice but not too nice that people walk all over her. She is tolerant and fair, doesn’t rush to judgment and she stands her ground on her beliefs. Feisty as a cat but doesn’t bark at people by indulging in pitching an undignified walleyed fit with total strangers online. Nope, she would never do that…

Well she is the person I aspire to be, the less self-destructive me. She is the type of person who doesn’t procrastinate till the last minute to meet an important health review deadline. Nope, she is always on top of things. Physically fit and mentally strong, doesn’t crack under pressure and emotionally – she is more stable than jell-o. She certainly doesn’t wig out when her man doesn’t call her.

Of course I know I’m not the only woman who feels this way. I talk to my girlfriends about living with this “other woman”. My guy friends can’t seem to relate but maybe it’s because men don’t walk around with their perfect inner-self hanging over their shoulders. They are just good at shrugging it off I guess. I wish I could do the same. I wish I could say that women in general don’t care what other people think but deep down inside they do…We aim to please most of the time. You may disagree with me ladies but the next time you do something, ask yourself if it’s really for you or somebody else.

My Perfect Twin is my mother’s dream. If only I was able to absorb her instructions, meet the societal expectations of a traditional Khmer girl growing up in a less conservative western culture, listen to the well-meaning advice received from my girlfriends and feed into the not so subtle pressure of the endless images of the perfect woman paraded across me in movies and magazines. Improve thy self. Be perfect. Thanks largely to the billion dollar advertising industry, who have managed to mold the modern women into one of the Barbie doll collectibles or worse…the Bratz Dolls. Those dolls with their ghetto fabulousness and big owl eyes give me nightmares. But I digress…

Fortunately I’m told that as we grow older we learn to make peace with ourselves and to embrace our flaws. Well as impossible as it sounds I’d like to fast forward time without aging to reach this serene state of mind. I like myself well enough on most days except when I’m riding the crimson wave (And yes I am…) but this isn’t a spoke in my menstrual cycle folks. I just keep thinking I can improve myself an itty bitty more but to what extent do I stop trying to achieve this flawless version of me?

I guess time will only tell right? Of course I do like to think that as we women age; there are some splendid surprises that come along the way. We give the best advice to our peers when they suffer. We stumble on an expensive yet beautiful dress and buy it on impulse, only to look absolutely amazing. We grow and our perfect twin evolves too but she starts to look less than perfect because at some point we realize that we have chosen to accept ourselves simply for who we are as a person. I mean this is if we are paying attention long enough to notice that this “other woman” thinks she’s perfect just the way she is and she never pines to be anyone else. It simply means we are able to love our perfectly imperfect selves too. Does that make sense? Well all I know is that this one exception where my perfect twin has set a truly attainable example is to love myself even on days when I want to be somebody else…

Orchidées Surprise

It doesn't matter how many times you've gotten them, there's just something so wonderful about receiving flowers. It's like a decadent truffle, or a sweet chocolate that is so delicious but lasts for only a short time. While the orchid blooms of my beautiful phalaenopsis last only a few weeks, the orchid will continue to thrive with the tender love and care I will give it. I adore flowers particulary orchids because they are my favorite. I also enjoyed the delicious chocolates that came with them. Thank you to the mister for sending them my way.

The Flight Plan

I dreamt of flying last night...

I am an airplane bound for the unknown

My life is a series of images with an exorbitant amount of comings and goings of people from different directions at different times. There are constant take offs and landings and pit stops on my travel.

While I’m grounded at this particular airport I’ve come to certain truths about my life.

There are different planes traveling to different places. A diverse host of airline carriers from small sizes to large with a wide range of capabilities await me. Each airplane carries its own baggage, has its own manifest of people they carry on board and their own crew that ensures a smooth flight and landing.

Yet they all fly under the same sky and everyone hits turbulence. It doesn’t matter how good a pilot is manning the plane, bad weather happens to everyone. You just have to ride it out and do everything you can to keep to your course while staying aloft. It doesn’t even matter where you've been or where you are going next, no plane is better than the other. You all go through the same challenges. But it’s how you overcome these challenges that makes it different. You can panic or stay calm knowing that everything is at the mercy of the elements. You just never know what to expect…what life will throw at you.

But you’ll keep on flying because that’s what you’re meant to do and you’re most majestic when you’re up there braving the unknown. You have to continue to fly in order to reach your next destination…whether that is home or a new place that brings new challenges.

But right now I’m comfortable with staying grounded…

Refueling. Reloading. Repairing.

I’ll catch the next flight with the right tickets in my hand. Hopefully the forecast predicts clear blue skies but if not I’m prepared to spread my wings and fly anyways