hmmmm sushi...

These days all I crave is sushi. I've had my fill of the delightful delicacies for lunch, dinner and yes even breakfast. The texture and subtle flavor of fresh sushi is wonderful. Paired with perfectly prepared rice at the right temperature and some quality soy sauce, it's a real treat for the palate. Sushi is becoming a serious status item for my taste buds. As I am sitting here typing away, I am tempted to order sushi for lunch again. I can consume a mountain of raw tuna and eat spicy eel till I keel over. The selection of sushi in Providence is not as abundant as it is in the Greater Boston area but there are still a few blog worthy places worth mentioning including Haruki East and my fave sushi to-go, Sushi Express on Thayer. Sakura and Tokyo also offer a good selection of sushi too. However, I have not found the one place that will fulfill all my sushi desires. *sigh*

Blogging my life

When I first started blogging almost everyday a couple years back, it was because I wanted to be able to reflect on events that I considered life changing. Well, maybe not so much life changing per say, but more or less moments I held dearly to which I wanted to jot down.

I was going off to college and it was the first time in my life that I would be away from my friends and family. Needless to say I was scared and didn’t adapt to the changes in my environment too well. I needed some sort of medium to let out my suppressed emotions. Blogging was therapy for my soul. I could fill my blog with entries, finding solace in the written word. Back than, I was writing more for myself.

As time passed, I began to discover how quickly I felt connected to other bloggers. Sites like xanga and blogspot made it possible for people like me, who are not very articulate in person to be able to freely express themselves online. My writing has helped me grow as a person. It has taught me the art of contentment through the written word. That means whatever life gives me, good or bad, I will see it through till the end. It means I don’t walk away every time things get rough, because it builds patience, perseverance, understanding and a hundred different other virtues that people in a hurry will never be able to cherish.

I am still learning. And I am lucky I’ve been able to write and reflect back on all the things I’ve been through over the past few years. One major life lesson I’ve been able to write about is on relationships. Friendship in particular can be lost in our lives due to neglect, anger, pride or sometimes simply because of circumstance. How ever it is lost, often times we lose a part of ourselves that can never quite recover. Because friendship is as delicate as glass, and once broken it can be fixed but the cracks are always there as a reminder of the past.

Faith & Fairy Tales

Like most little girls I believed in fairy tales and happily ever after. Of course reality quickly caught up with me after my parents divorced when I was 3. However, I didn't let go of the dream of a white dress, prince charming, and the castle by the sea. Most people grow up and the dream disappears. They lose the faith. I believe I was losing it too. But the thing is, it's hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely because almost everyone still has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they'll open their eyes and it will all come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale might be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important that it's happily ever after, just that it's happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, someone will surprise you. And once in a while, someone may even take your breath away. That someone is my boyfriend...

Floral Fancies

Whenever I get struck by an idea, I become fixated by it until the idea becomes a reality - or until a better idea comes along to distract me from the previous idea. I recently went to Michael’s to load up on craft supplies for several art projects including the V-Day card I’m making for Aaron. While I was browsing through the store I stumbled upon a number of beautiful silk floral arrangements on display for special occasions like weddings or birthday parties. The design concepts were not the traditional types you would normally see. They all looked very modern and simplistic. I am not a big fan of silk flowers because I think it’s super tacky to use them for weddings. However, the arrangements did inspire me to look at fresh flowers the same way. I had the idea to pitch these center piece designs to my roomy for her impending nuptials. She is a minimalist and not a flower fan. Last week, she asked me to assist her with center piece design and to visit the florists with her. Since then I’ve been doing some research on wedding centerpieces and flower trends. I’ve also been experimenting with the blooms in the green house to design an elegant yet simple look for her wedding. It has given me the opportunity to be an amateur floral designer, which I secretly aspire to be right now. I simply love flowers and as every flower lover knows, flowers have a language of their own. Every sentiment is expressed in one form or another by these fragile blooms. I am fairly confident about my taste in style, and I am capable of doing whatever I put my mind into - until I get distracted by something else.

My Perfect Twin

Mirror image of the ideal me. Naturally slim and thin, perfect skin, glassy straight black hair - like all the actresses in the Thai Lakorn movies. Not a single strand out of place or a smudge of make up anywhere on her face. She is the type who eats healthy, exercises daily and most importantly sticks to her routine. She is also a good driver. She doesn’t obsess about the little things either...

This other woman is genuinely nice but not too nice that people walk all over her. She is tolerant and fair, doesn’t rush to judgment and she stands her ground on her beliefs. Feisty as a cat but doesn’t bark at people by indulging in pitching an undignified walleyed fit with total strangers online. Nope, she would never do that…

Well she is the person I aspire to be, the less self-destructive me. She is the type of person who doesn’t procrastinate till the last minute to meet an important health review deadline. Nope, she is always on top of things. Physically fit and mentally strong, doesn’t crack under pressure and emotionally – she is more stable than jell-o. She certainly doesn’t wig out when her man doesn’t call her.

Of course I know I’m not the only woman who feels this way. I talk to my girlfriends about living with this “other woman”. My guy friends can’t seem to relate but maybe it’s because men don’t walk around with their perfect inner-self hanging over their shoulders. They are just good at shrugging it off I guess. I wish I could do the same. I wish I could say that women in general don’t care what other people think but deep down inside they do…We aim to please most of the time. You may disagree with me ladies but the next time you do something, ask yourself if it’s really for you or somebody else.

My Perfect Twin is my mother’s dream. If only I was able to absorb her instructions, meet the societal expectations of a traditional Khmer girl growing up in a less conservative western culture, listen to the well-meaning advice received from my girlfriends and feed into the not so subtle pressure of the endless images of the perfect woman paraded across me in movies and magazines. Improve thy self. Be perfect. Thanks largely to the billion dollar advertising industry, who have managed to mold the modern women into one of the Barbie doll collectibles or worse…the Bratz Dolls. Those dolls with their ghetto fabulousness and big owl eyes give me nightmares. But I digress…

Fortunately I’m told that as we grow older we learn to make peace with ourselves and to embrace our flaws. Well as impossible as it sounds I’d like to fast forward time without aging to reach this serene state of mind. I like myself well enough on most days except when I’m riding the crimson wave (And yes I am…) but this isn’t a spoke in my menstrual cycle folks. I just keep thinking I can improve myself an itty bitty more but to what extent do I stop trying to achieve this flawless version of me?

I guess time will only tell right? Of course I do like to think that as we women age; there are some splendid surprises that come along the way. We give the best advice to our peers when they suffer. We stumble on an expensive yet beautiful dress and buy it on impulse, only to look absolutely amazing. We grow and our perfect twin evolves too but she starts to look less than perfect because at some point we realize that we have chosen to accept ourselves simply for who we are as a person. I mean this is if we are paying attention long enough to notice that this “other woman” thinks she’s perfect just the way she is and she never pines to be anyone else. It simply means we are able to love our perfectly imperfect selves too. Does that make sense? Well all I know is that this one exception where my perfect twin has set a truly attainable example is to love myself even on days when I want to be somebody else…